This is going to sound horrible possibly. But you’re alone.  It’s all up to you.  Your courage.  Your choices.  Your internal dialogue.  It’s all about you.  It’s all in how you see yourself.  How you recognize you’re own power. Your own relationship with the Universe.  With God.  With what matters.  Inside.  YOU ARE THE REASON YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE.  and YOU….are the REASON YOU WILL BE WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.  Going inside and finding out who you are to your Self is very hard. And very powerful. And VERY REAL.  It’s where everything that’s real resides.  Oh yes, you will have the most meaningful and empowering relationships that you could ever imagine.  But after you’ve established that with yourself.  After you know who you are and after you live with integrity by the guidlines that you KNOW are for you and about you.  I’m afraid, sorta, that it does all come down, for everyone, to KNOWING WHO YOU ARE and LIVING WITH INTEGRITY WITHIN THE GUIDELINES AND POWER that you find you have inside and that you must follow. Stop. Face the hell of having to be WITH yourself and go inside.  It only hurts for the moments that you fear it. Go inside and be honest with your self and look at how you're living and what you're doing.  Look at what choices you're making that create the life you're living. Go inside and be with YOU.  Listen.  Honor.  Choose. Trust. This is how you REALLY get to create your life using that powerful Law of Attraction.  Match your intentions with your integrity and watch what happens. Give it a month or a week or a full day. And then build the momentum and the power of Becoming.  ENJOY! 

One last note...I'm not saying that you can't have community and support and others.  That will come. But on the level that we seek, it will come as a compliment to your WHOLE parts, not to your parts that need constant affirmation and constant need of approval of where you are.  You get it.  I can tell. 

PP

Each morning you awake, you’ve either moved forward or backwards from the space or frequency your were in the day before.  Each evening you go to bed you have the chance to prepare your spirit to advance your soul during sleep or you will wake having slept your way into old stuff. Have you ever felt great when you went to bed and then you woke up feeling blue?  But you didn’t know why?  It’s not actually moving backwards, not literally, but it’s more like having gained more of what you don’t really want instead of more awakening - which is what you DO want.  

One of the most powerful processes I have experienced recently is intending before I go to bed and monitoring my agenda even during sleep.  Our souls do not sleep.  Our spirit does not sleep.  Our body rests and our Spirit and Soul most times journey’s.  

Building Momentum, day to day, is a powerful and deliberate way to grow your power and REALness. Do you honor your spirit for more than 12 - 18 hour per day? Or do you come home from a hard day and then watch t.v. until you fall asleep?  Or drink until your sleep?  Or take a pill and just ’shut it all off’?   Have you ever experienced the powerful transformation of the momentum that a deliberate rhythm of 24, 48, 72 hours creates?   Our hearts often lean our evenings with tender awareness and ‘knowings’ and we awake to our heads directing our days. Moving full force and fast.  Or for you, it could be the opposite direction.  In order to learn to create a deliberate growth and transformational pattern, monitor your days, nights and cycles of each.   It’s probably similar to the one day at a time idea.  I’m not in AA, (even though some have suggested I consider it..and I love them for it   ….but the powerful pull of a one-day-at-a-time mentality can sometimes keep you on your toes.  ”There..I honored my body and my spirit this entire day and I lay down tonite knowing that where ever my spirit and soul wander, I will awake knowing that my energy is full and my power is stronger and I will see clearer tomorrow.  I trust this night.  With gratitude I say thank you for the good in my life and for the good that will occur the moment I wake up. ”   Does this make sense?  I just can’t overemphasize how powerful cycles of more than a morning, or afternoon or evening can be for us! We live with such ‘umph’ in our spiritual journey and sometimes don’t realize that we are being pulled by our days and our work and our environment, emotionally, instead of living a deliberate life of personal integrity, around the clock.  Keep your mind in check throughout the day. Via your heart. Make sure your committments as to how you want to live your day are honored and then watch as those exquisite choices of self respect create a tower of strength within your own experience that will crack open your intuition, and set you even more FREE!  

It’s up to you and me to save our selves, interally.  No one is going to do it for us.  But oh how sweet once we start respecting ourselves, day in and day out, long enough so that we literally being earn the respect of our own spirit and then those spirits around us that are determined to be on purpose - and be fully the light that we all are are meant to be. 

Paul 

Transformation comes through the Heart.  The head is filled with doubt, questions, fear and other emotional and psychic detours.  The head drives us to figure out.  To justify our pain.  To question our motives and intents.  To keep us attached and keep us feeling separate from our highest self.  It’s only when we learn to live from our Heart that we experience true peace and connection. And true evolution and change.  And in the heart, guidance is magnificent!  

It’s so fascinating to me…  We think it’s our heart that hurts.  We think that that’s where the pain comes from, so we start to protect our heart from what we think will destroy us.  We shut off parts that we are so certain will once again cut off our breathe and take everything away. But it's actually the distance between the heart and head that causes the pain.  The resistance to being in the heart.  But within the heart is the truest Knowing.   Within the heart is peace and ease and Love and power.  Within the heart we find our treasure.  

I have discovered what I believe is the secret to moving from the head into the heart and thus making more choices from that space which is truly real. The secret?  Willingness.  Just Willingness.  When we are willing to see things differently, to live from the heart, the heart awakens and we start to FEEL in a way we’ve never felt before.  You see, willingness requires no thought.  It requires only an intent.  I have even found myself praying before…”I know I’m not willing…but I AM willing to BE willing.”   This intent is from the heart.  

What I am going to say now is fascinatingly beautiful to me.  The throat, which is the 5th chakra, stores the energy of our will.  No surprise that the throat, the center of our WILL is between the Heart and the Head. When the will is WILLing, it literally bridges the heart with the head and eliminates the stronghold of the mind.  This willingness, this throat area, energetically, literally opens the pathway to the heart.  Once opened through our Willingness, our spirit, our purest being,  begins to come alive.  Softly, you can feel the emotion come up.  Sometimes it’s very intense.  Other times there is just simple awareness.  WILLINGNESS opens the heart and allows us to BREATHE.  It allows us to SEE.  Truly SEE.  This is where true change will occur and where our purpose is found.  This is where we will find our way back.  Through the heart.  This is the pathway.  All we know, think or think we know, once dropped, this journey through the heart WILL bring us Home. 

NAMASTE  

Paul

Your’re on your own when it comes to waking up.  The sooner you can learn this, the sooner you will see your Self in the fullest light you’ve ever imagined. It’s true.. No one IS coming to save you…well, no one that is, except YOU.  YOU have the power and ability to transform every thing in your life right now.  The dark night of the soul is this very experience.   Surrender is the dark night.  Surrender to your own knowing and power that everything is within you and everything your looking for is in the quiet of your heart.  If you want to go to hell…go there.  Facing your Self and facing your stuff and admitting that YOU’RE the one you’ve been looking for.  No, it’s not the realization that YOU’RE the one you’ve been seeking that is the most painful, but it’s the before part.  The part where you are actually considering the possibility that it’s all up to you.  INside you.  That’s the part YOU MUST MOVE THROUGH. That’s where YOUR POWER IS! You are getting there.  You are already there.  Be easy with yourself. 

Surrender to your anger, rage, fear, sadness, disappointment.  Meet it in the your heart and embrace it all.  Courage is there.  You have the Courage.  That’s hell too.  Realizing that YOU are the one that has to make the choices to wake up. That the Courage is from enCouragement but that it’s from INCouragement. In you. Encourage yourself.  From the highest depth of your awareness.   You are the one that has to muster up enough gumption to move through the fire and out the other side.  The gold is purified through the fire. It’s out the other side that you find the Joy and moving to that side is your choice.   Your head is wanting freedom from the insainty.  Can you feel that?  Even your thoughts are tired.  

Now, Forgive yourself for what you’ve done to you.  Forget about everyone else.  Forgive yourself for how you’ve negotiated your own peace.  How you’ve sold your own joy and awareness and POWER.  How you’ve raped your own Soul. Just forgive yourself.  Let it go.  Let go of everything.  Face it all and let it all go. Forgive it all. Your heart is shattered into tiny pieces.  Your spirit is sprayed all over, away from you.  Call it back. Call your spirit back.  Forgive yourself and Call your spirit back to your Self.   You are Divine. 

Willingness to see things differently is all it takes.  Williness to Change.  Just ask for the Willigness to be Willing and watch your heart open.  You are the one you’e been waiting for.  You are the one you’ve been seeking.  You are the one you’ve been running from. How ironc. And how powerful.  Be still. Be quiet.  Listen.  Choose.  Breathe.  It’s all here.  It’s all inside.  It’s your time.  You have the Courage.  Now make a new choice and relax into the knowing that it’s time.  

NAMASTE 

Paul

How much is your soul worth to you?  Your knowing.  Your integrity.  How much does it take for you to compromise what you know is your Truth?   What does it take for you to sell out?   How many promises have you made from a place of soul that you haven't kept?  Easily giving way to something worth nothing? What value have you placed on your consciousness?  Your integrity?   The price of a cup of coffee?   

Are you so clear on your purpose and your commitment to your Truth that NOTHING, I mean NOTHING can take you off your course?  Or what is it that always wins?  What price tag does your internal journey carry? 

I must find some great joy in humiliating myself in Text.  I share everything.  I don't really care what anybody thinks of me.  Why is that?  It makes no sense.  I'm the people pleaser.  I'm the charmer.  I'm the one who wants everybody to like me.  Oh my goodness.  Maybe I'm changing. I just want to be authentic.  Ok...back to the cup-o-joe...

What does it take for you to choose what isn't what you know is best for you? I wake in the morning.  I hear, "Paul, sit on the sofa, clear your energy, meditate and re-connect for your day...and then go have your green drink and start your day."  I stumble from the bed (freezing in santa fe..it's already 25 in the morning)....and instead of sitting on the sofa, breathing and connecting and having my delicious, healthy green drink...I turn from my souls request, from my Knowing, and I put on my long johns, my gloves and iPod and I, in a trance, walk towards Dominic's for my morning cup of coffee.  Pretending as though I can sit for my morning practice, in after I've had my beans and then I'll be just fine.  On schedule.  All along knowing that I just sold my Soul for a cup-o-joe.   

I do this over and over.  Heading home.  Tired from the day.  Longing to sit quietly and be with myself.  But oh that roaring fireplace in the lobby of the La Posada Hotel.  And a nice, beautiful, reflective glass of southern Italian Merlot.  Hmmmm..  Sell my soul for a glass of Merlot ? Sure!  Why not!?   I sell for a hot cup of brown sludge every morning. Why not for a nice disconnecting glass of rotten grapes?   

This is sad to write for me.  I've sold my soul for much less than a cup of coffee.  And sometimes, even a lot less more.  

Integrity. 

Internal Integrity.  

We have all this growth.  These awakenings. And then, in one moment. we sell it all out for some subconscious choice that seemingly has nothing to do with what we just said we Knew. Or believed.  Or realized.  INSANITY!  Isn't it nuts?  It seems?  

Coming home to me.  To my Self.  Living from a place of Power as a result of the Choices that I make. (See July 17th..Exquisite Choices Entry)  My soul is worth far more than anything I could choose that isn't for my Highest.   I long for the moments that turn into years where no matter what is in front of me, I WILL SELL MY AWARENESS AND HIGHEST FOR NOT A DAMN THING. EVER.   My soul has no price.  My awareness will NOT be compomised.  This is who we are. This is why we are here.  As of today. My soul isn't up for sale.  No coffee, vino, great deal or some compromising taboo sexual experience  can replace the beauty and blissed out experience of being awake to the choices I make that honor my Knowings and esteem my own Being higher than anything that comes my way.  

What's the value of your soul worth to you today?  Where do you sell out?  What do you give up in order to get your needs met that you KNOW are not what will instill more Power and Consciousness to your life?    You have to put on blinders as it were. And you have to decide to focus and to do, no matter what the consequence, what you know it is that you need to do in order to advance your souls purpose in this life.  You will be protected.  You do have the Courage.  And you will find what you're looking for.  

NAMASTE 

Paul